August 29, 2007

am i stuck here forever?

❦

Maybe its because the day started at 3.30 am but i feel like it has been YEARS since i went anywhere or did anything fun… like dancing. I used to go dancing, wearing high heels and cute little jeans, and people gave me attention. Now I am virtually invisible, nobody, nowhere.

Its really only a year since i got myself knocked up and put away my cowboy boots, but at the moment every time i pass a boutique or shoe shop with something sweet and strappy in the window i want to cry.

No rest for the wicked, they say, but lawd I was only wicked one night.

So I’m working my butt off, literally, to get it back into those cute little jeans, and I’m pretty close to it now – but wonder if I will even have the opportunity when the day comes. And where will I go? I know I am only imagining that all my friends seem to have moved on to coupledom and its related arcane activities, but it does seem real. Will I ever feel like me again?

Its a mystery, but keeping the faith is important at this stage – goddess only knows that it would be easy enough to give up altogether and resign myself to living the rest of my life in leisure suits and the supermarket. Its very scary for me to confront the idea that maybe my dancing days are over and I am now a suburban housewife, without the husband.

Nonetheless, I pray – yes actually pray – that there will be a pair of strappy sandals and itty bitty dress, tequila, groove and good company in the not too distant future.

❦